sara's smiles

i can't believe

i haven't blogged in almost a week. shame on me!!! but i have been fighting sciatica and losing. about an hour ago i realized i'm not hurting as bad..........i'm not great but at least i'm starting to feel a little better. i haven't even gotten much crocheting or knitting done. i did finish the bloomers for nene and after putting them in the dryer and watching them like a hawk , they shrunk enough so they should only be a little big on her. now i need to do a pair for lis. *sigh* i have learned i need to measure instead of believing a pattern will fit!! i'll get pictures up tomorrow. i am still plugging away on my third granny ripple but it isn't going to get finished for the april challenge. my dd loaned me a html book for dummies so maybe i can learn how to put links in here. last but not least our female is in heat. we should be having babies around the 4th of july if she gets pregnant. hopefully she will have more than 2. and i threatened jeff about keeping any more.............lol............3 is more than enough!!!!
well i think i will try to crochet with my bandaged thumb....i cut myself earlier...dumb dumb dumb

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

another year behind me and hopefully another year in front of me. something my granddaughter said to me, has stuck in mind and i can't shake it. she is 7 (and 1/2 grandma!!!) she asked me how old i was and i told her 49. and she said ( in very grown up, i'm in first grade and i'm really smart voice) that's almost 50 grandma. not in anyway making fun of my oldness......just very matter of factly. she knows 50 comes after 49. smart girl.i have started planning my birthday breakdown for next year already. almost 50. the pinched nerve makes me every day of my age. a few more wrinkles, a few more gray hair. a few more grandkids to love and spoil. seems like a good trade off. my lap seems to keep getting bigger to accomadate more on my lap. then at 49, almost 50, the menopause, hot flash and night sweats join the fun. getting old is a journey.........filled with every emotion under the sun. there are up and downs, turns, mountains and valleys to explore. choices to make. every choice i made every year has brought me to this spot in my life. this small spot of life that is mine. i am on my third marriage and my last. i gave birth to 2 children, adopted 2 and , had probably 100 or more foster kids during a ten year span, raised 2 of jeff's 3. i have 8 grandchilren so far. 2 of my kids are happily married and one will be married in july. jeff's oldest is married. i have a dil that i am so close to. she and i have had some tough times- mostly my fault but we are so close now. you know, this isn't such a bad spot to be in for almost 50.

somedays.........
you just have to love life..........it was a rainy dreary day here. most of april has been that way. but flowers are blooming and pollen is in the air. i talked to my brother yesterday. i'm still trying to get him married off. and i talked to my daughter today. she and i don't have the best relationship. we try but we just can't get close. maybe someday. my husband is sitting 10 feet away. he is singing to me. nothing is better. rod stewart at the moment. we have been together almost ten years now.......married 4 1/2............ and still happy and still sad we both went thru 20 years with someone else who made us so unhappy. but now, life is good. financially we are struggling at the moment but there is noone i would rather be poor with. do you have someone you can count on every second of the day, every day? i do. and i am grateful everyday for having him. i am very lucky. all this started with the ex-wife. she's up to her old tricks trying to get something started. earlier tonight i wanted to throw something, hit something, cuss her out........anything...........but.......she has nothing..........she can't hurt me.......... i am mom to 2 of her 3 children and she will never get back what she turned her back on. so kim...........bring it..........you wanna mess with mama bear..............good luck to you. you will lose. you have already lost. you have nothing, no life, no love. i pity you. how sad life must be for you. sad to have noone love you, care about what happens to you. hate you. because that is the only emotion you bring out in people. my life is good. it isn't perfect......but it is good. i have everything i need.
life is good

hello
heather got a new outfit tonight............she wasn't really modeling since she HATES to have her picture taken....lol............we threatened her with endless chores if i couldn't get a few shots.....i'm so mean. but i thought she looked very cute. she got a really cute tanktop but is too self concious to wear it alone. she has lost quite a bit of weight but she is trying to lose more. she has grown so much in the 2 1/2 years she has been with us. confidence, self esteem. she has a good sense of self worth. i am so proud of her

this is the little sundress i made for elissa. it is a size 2 off white and purple. the yarn looks like tiny rick-rack. it worked up really fast

a few pictures of nene on her birthday in the outfit i made her. iggy really thought he had to be in the pictures with her

*FNISE*
i have learned a new word!! i can't say it but i can type it and i know what it means. and i like it. my friend, who brings me so many smiles and bits of wisdom taught it to me. i plan to use it as often as i can.speaking of friends, i am lucky to have so many. i poured my heart out earlier this week and was so surprised to have it filled back up with so many good wishes, shared heartbreaks, and love. i had no idea my little story (could even be referred to as whining) would reach anyone the way it did let alone bring so much back to me. it has been a totally odd week, for many of us, with sad feelings,or depression. i find the older i get the more i fight the changes i don't like, instead of dealing with them like a grown-up. being a grown up is over rated.
ok, moving on to the crochet front. i sure have not accomplished much this week. i finished the 24 squares last night and i got 2 corners sewed tonight. maybe i will be more inspired tomorrow

i have a son...............
actually i have 3 more but this blog is about jeremy. my first, my oldest. the child i grew up with. the one who dealt with more mistakes, inexperience and trial and error than all the others kids. i tell him he was for practice. he is 30. and a husband. and a father. and despite being raised by me, a good man. a very good man. he is always there when he is needed. always. no questions asked. maybe a giggle at some of the things i manage to get myself into but hey, he's allowed. he married heather at 22. just as i was going thru a divorce and hated the idea of marriage. i was not as nice as i could have been to heather back then. i regret that everyday . i love her as my own. i love that she loves my son, which can not be an easy thing. she is the mother of 3 of my grandchildren. first, second and sixth. heather is my friend. heather is my daughter. we tell secrets, she fumes, i fume, we laugh. we whine. we gambled once, it was fun. but mostly heather is..........heather. always there. always. jeremy is making a good life for his family. he has been with les scwhab for years. he will be an assistant manager soon with his own store. soon. 6 weeks. give or take. and he will have to move. ca,? oregon? idaho? too soon to know that. but away. he will take heather and my babies with him. there is no way for me to put into words the effect this will have on me. there are no words. i shake my head no everytime i think about it. but i don't get to vote. and yes this will happen. soon. whether i am ready or not. whether i like it or not. soon. do i want him to stay here? NO!!!! i want him to get out of here. it's no place to raise kids anymore. i want them all to have a good life away from here. did i say this was going to happen soon? i'm not ready. i won't be ready. i will support them, help them, plan with them and do whatever i need to do to help. anyway i can. but i won't be ready. hannah is 7 ( almost 8 grandma!) and they promised she could have email so i can talk to her whenever i want. or she wants. caden is 5 and will adjust fine to wherever they go. now enter nene. she is 23 months. and 1/2. lol.....ok she will be 2 next week. she just decided last week she is grandma's baby. grandma's girl. how do i let that go. how do i not let her forget me. that we play games. silly games and sing silly songs that i make up and noone else knows. i hope amber remembers how to play knock knock with her. this really isn't about me--poor me that is........but about life. and the changes it brings. everyday is a treasure and a wasted day can never be gotten back. so get off the internet, go hug your child, call them, hug a grandchild. tell someone you love them before today is over. tomorrow will bring a whole new day. but for today, be sure the ones you love, know they are loved

i saw this on flyinghooksand i thought it was fun

Your Birthdate: April 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.You're good at so much - you never know what to do.Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.You are destined for a life of travel and fun. Your strength: Your likeability Your weakness: You never feel satisfied Your power color: Bright yellow Your power symbol: Asterisk Your power month: May

aren't i the cutest thing?

I love being a puppy!!!
i get to nap when i want, how long i want and where i want. ok, mom puts down blankets so i don't mess up her couch but still i get to sleep here whenever i want. sparky licks my ears to wake me up to play but i can ignore him until mom makes him stop. i eat when i want, drink when i want and go out to play when i want. being a puppy is a very good life!!!!!!!

another view

this is the jacket/bolero that goes with nene's dress..........not washed or blocked but done

well it's official............jeff gave me his cold

there should be laws against that. i hate to be sick. i hate to cough, blow my nose, feel like poo-poo...........it really irritates me to no end to not be in control of my bodily functions...........lol. especially a runny nose......ick
he came home at lunch time today. i have to admit he is really one sick puppy. i signed up for better or worse, sickness and health, but not coming home early and messing up my day............lol. what was the man thinking?
well on the good side i finished nene's dress. it feels like i have been working on it forever but it's only been a week, 10 days maybe. it's going to be big. i took pics (scroll down) but they don't do it justice. i will take more after the buttons and blocking have been finished. and on nene of course. well off to work on the jacket....or throw it again....who knows?

now onto the jacket..............the pieces are done just all the finishing touches left. oh yeah.......i threw it across the room earlier............lol............jeff hates it when i do that

is this pic any better? i will take more after it's blocked and hopefully the lace will show up

well i finally have nene's dress finished........ok......it still needs buttons and washed and blocked BUT it's finished. it's going to be too big i think but she will grow into it. it had a really different trim on it but i liked the way it turned out